This is going to be an emo post hence, sorry if I am going to bored you all to death.
Have you ever suddenly felt irritated with someone or a group or something, and anything that they say or do, will get you so filled with so much anger and frustration BUT you will feel guilty for feeling that way?
You then get angry at yourself for not trying to be patient and understanding. You feel guilty for answering back impolitely... you feels guilty for not being nice enough to just let it go.
At times I feel that certain people take us for granted. And once they take you for granted, they start to have lesser respect or appreciation of what you do. Instead, it becomes like your duty to handle certain matters under their so called "instruction". Instead of discussing important things with you together with the rest, you are merely the "worker". They become lazy to explain or even update you on what’s going on, till it's very late, or perhaps till the whole wide world knows about it already, and that’s when you show your red face because every other outsider expects you to be aware of it.
In normal times, I wouldn't think much of it as we are all working for the benefit of others, not expecting any returns. But STOP treating me like an innocent , inexperience person as I am not!
At times I really feel like saying, "hello, I might be younger but heck I might have much more experience than many of you on certain areas" so stop taking me for granted ! So stop saying "do this, do that, stop this, stop that. Stop discussing things without telling me the decisions and then expecting me to be aware of it.
But culturally and childhood teachings, have taught us it's not wise to say out such things aloud because you will offend certain people feelings and create unnecessary chaos. That's when, you slowly get's easily irritated more & more and at times feel like just breakaway from this unhealthy environment.
But then again, it's not easy to take the step to climb out of the hole as there are others than depend on you and if you do hop out to the other party, your relationship with the people there will be diminished.
Also at times I will be contracting to myself and felt so culpable for being angry at such minor issues. They are people that you should be relying on, people that should be part of your family, people that are part of you and you in them.
So, would you stay on, with hopes that the anger or irritated feeling will go away, and continue being nice and take it like nothing have gone wrong?
Or would you sniff around the land at the opposite side of the garden?